Clouds

Funny how things work out. I haven't been back on my blog since 19th January. A time since, full of ill concealed unhappiness and worry, fears and stress. Eileen was dying and there wasn't a darn thing either of us could do about it except to do what needed to be done, cushion the effect of what was to come and to be strong for her beautiful daughters.

So what's this about clouds? I'm coming to that.

A wee while back, my computer was in a tangled state and I had to re-format it and start all over again. This meant I lost a lot of stuff that I hadn't backed up - including all my web addresses which included all my favourite blogs - including Cait http://caitoconnor.blogspot.com and my dear old bro Mick http://countrymatters.blogspot.com/ I managed to find mine again easily enough and went through my posts, checking on replies and finally found the others by clicking on the name of those who had replied.

Clouds? The first thing that I read when I was taken to Cait's profile was one of her interests. Cloudwatching. I was stunned. It took me right back to March 13th, when Eileen passed on. She was very ill and restless that morning. Agitated. I was the first to arrive at her bedside, having had a strange premonition that I needed to get to her earlier than usual. She gave me an indescribeable look - and calmed a little. Half an hour later her daughters arrived and we sat with her, holding her hands, trying to comfort her - to help. We cried as well.

Her eyes were so wide and blue. No yellowing. No pain. She was gazing out of the big window of her room and Lorna said "She's watching the clouds." And indeed she was. Great fluffy, white March clouds, floating across a blue sky.
And not long after, she died - so peacefully and with such grace, holding the hands of those she wished to be with her at that time and watching the clouds outside. Cloudwatching.
I tried, unsuccessfully, to brush her eyes closed. When the nurse came in, she tried too - but Eileen had other ideas. I think she had some spiritual link with those clouds and stayed watching them. She looked so beautiful!

If you've read this through, then thank you for your being patient and accepting my indulgence in reliving those moments. I don't think I shall ever see big, white clouds again without remembering that day.